Well it has been quite some time I see since I last updated my blog but then there has not been too much to tell.
First of all, I have lost 4.7kgs on my diet in 4 weeks, would have liked to of done better but well one can't rush progress I suppose. I was very disappointed in my efforts last week as I had only lost 600 grams and after how strict I was with myself and only losing that i felt quite disheartened but then that was on Monday and today is Wednesday and am really sticking to my diet and doing heaps of exercise even though I have been doing this all along.
I had a couple of weeks work at the Uni supervising exams, so that money will come in handy for xmas.
Had a huge disappointment also but then what is new, that is just how my life goes.
It was my grandaughters b'day today and she turned 6, we all had dinner here at my place, I made fish and some fried potatoes for everyone except for myself and a huge salad, all tasted nice. I am sure my baby girl had a nice time here. When they first got here we all had a swim as it was just so hot, so we all felt refreshed after that.
Well can't think of much else to write about, pretty slack considering it has been a while since I updated this but well I am just a boring person.
Anyway for anyone that reads this, I hope things are going well for you all.
Until next time....cya

Well I started on the Tony Ferguson diet last week Tuesday, i actually went and got weighed and measured on the Monday but didn't actually start the diet until the Tuesday. I have to say it has been a bit hard this first week just settling into the diet as I have had to make a complete change in my eating habits and well I suppose for anyone that is not easy but after going in yesterday for my first weigh in session and measurements done i was really surprised and very very happy with myself. I have lost nearly 2 kilos in the first week and 1cm around my waist and I just feel so good about myself for achieving that in just one week. I realize not every week is going to be the same results but i am still so happy with myself for losing that much in the first week.
Eating right and doing a little bit of exercise doesn't hurt anyone and at the moment I am just so happy with myself.

Well I went for a job interview yesterday and within half an hour i already knew I had not got the job, felt very disheartened but then what is new, just another slap in the face for me.
Also yesterday I got a tattoo of this design my daughter had made up through her scrapbooking techniques and I added mum, dad and Joe (my brother) the 3 people who have passed away and who have meant so much in my life. I got the tattoo in the middle of my back. To me it is just a small token of the love I had for them. My daughters also got the same tattoo minus the words, one daughter got it on her inside ankle and the other daughter got it on the inside forearm, all of them look so nice.
Not much other news at all, just think I will now just concentrate on getting this house ready for sale after xmas when I put it on the market.
For anyone reading my blog I hope you have a wonderful day.

Finally I have got mums death certificate so now I will be able to put closure on some of the things that need ending. It has taken 6 weeks for this to come out to me when normally it only takes 3 weeks so I really don't know what the problem was with it. Once I got the certificate I straight away rang the solicitor but he was not there and I asked if he would be in at all this week and the receptionist was not sure, so that sounds weird in itself as normally the receptionist would know these things straight away as she is the first point of contact in an office. But god only knows what work places do and think these days. There really isn't much to finalize as the house was put into my name a long time ago now so it is just the bank account to take care of and some shares and that is about it. But it will be nice just to have that all taken care of, just one thing off my mind.
I have just been taking each day as it comes, some days are good and some are bad. The pain and emptiness will always be there but I think I will be able to handle it a bit better as time goes by. When I received the death certificate I realized for sure that mum was gone but I just sat here and tried not to show my daughter the emotions running through me as i am sure both daughters are tired of seeing me the way I have been lately.
Today I have to spend more money, yesterday I had to take the cholrinator and this other thing up to the pool shop and they rang me late yesterday afternoon with the good news, I am up for a new cholrinator as the old one is stuffed and something else is wrong with the other thing (yes you can tell I know a lot about pools) and it is going to cost me near 500 dollars, how wonderful, I can't wait to spend that much money on something I won't get much use out of anyway as after xmas i will be putting this house up for sale. To me it is just a bloody waste of money. Never in my life will i buy a house with a pool, yes they are enjoyable in summer but they cost a bloody lot of money to keep them looking good. I am so over spending money on this pool it isn't funny. I suppose the secret is don't take a water sample up to the pool shop because if you do as sure as hell it will end up costing you money.
And today is grocery shopping day, yayyyyyyyy can't wait, more money on useless items.
Well I think my complaining for today is over, shall go outside now and take my frustrations out in the yard and rake some more leaves up before the guy comes to pick it all up.
So for anyone that reads this, I hope your day is better than mine so take care.

I am trying hard to get back to normal but am finding it impossible. As each day goes by the worse I am feeling. I always knew mums death would take its toll on me but I never imagined of how much of a toll it would take. Actually it is impossible to ever imagine how a death will affect you until it does happen.
Yesterday afternoon I thought I would do some work outside in the yard as in raking all the leaves up as I have a mango tree and advocado tree and they are forever dropping there leaves so it was looking like a bit of a mess out there, so i started and was doing an ok sort of job when all of a sudden a memory of mum came flooding back to me, one day before she went into the nursing home i was raking the leaves up and making little piles and mum was bending over picking them up and putting in the wheelbarrow for me, I had told her not to but she insisted she wanted to help me. So this memory yesterday came flooding back to me and I just started crying and wishing with all my might that my mum was there helping me again.
Mum and me were always very close, I suppose most mothers and daughters are but there was a special bond we always had, one that could never be broken. Of course over the years we did have a few fights but they weren't fights that we could never get over. I remember as a child when I was going to school mum would walk me to the front door and we would stand there and kiss each other on the mouth, forehead each cheek and then rub noses and then of course a cuddle. For me to leave the house without all of that was just not on even if we did have a small arguement of a morning, we just had that ritual and stuck to it for as long as I was at school.
I can still see my mums eyes light up when she saw me, even through all her sickness when she saw me walk into the room her eyes just would light up and she would just feel that everything would be ok while I was there with her and I so wish that I could have made her better but that is something I could not do for her, the one thing she wanted to do was stay here on earth with her girls. She told us that the day she passed away. She always called myself and my 2 daughters her girls and she just wanted to stay with us. That particular day she passed away she was in and out of sleep a lot which was not uncommon for mum as she did sleep heaps anyway but she was talking in her sleep a lot this particular day and when she woke up once I asked her if she was dreaming about dad and my brother and she said no but that they were here with her and I said do you think they have come to take you with them and she said probably but I dont' want to go, I just want to stay with my girls. One of my daughters was with me and we thought that was so cute but we also knew that it was asking too much as she was struggling really bad for breath at this stage.
I just wish I could start to feel a bit normal again but I can't, I miss her too much and in all honesty I just want to be with her again, but I know that I need to be here for my girls as well so I will just have to wait my turn.
Well I suppose I will leave this here for now and just try to get on with my day as today I have to take my car over for its service and then I will come home and finish what I started yesterday.
For anyone that reads this, I hope your day is better than mine.

In one of the forums I go to I call myself notablonde, well today proved why I call myself that name. Last year September I put my rego sticker on the car as one does when it is time to do it. Well I had all sorts of problems with it, I couldn't get the bloody thing to come off the backing paper without leaving some of it on the actual sticker and I just swore at myself because I had refused to put it on my car window until it was due so I had it in my glove box for a while and thought that the paper had melted onto the sticker and that is why I was having all this problem with it. I was not impressed and thought for sure throughout the year I would have problems with it on the wind screen because of some of the paper still being stuck to it. Fortunately I didn't have any problems with it in this past year and it stayed on the wind screen well, thank goodness. So now today I decide it is time for me to put the new one on as it is that time of year again, but this time I was not going to get caught out and had left it inside the house to the sun could not get to it, thought i was so clever doing that. Well I went around to the passenger side and pulled the old one off and put the new one on, with such ease I might add, no problems at all. All the while I am thinking to myself how well the old one had stayed on there considering it had this paper stuck to it in places, but well out with the old and in with the new. So after I did that I came around to the drivers side of the car waiting for my daughter to get in the car as we were going out and I was just playing around with the old sticker and I then realized that there was nothing wrong at all with the old sticker, I just had not pulled the sticker off properly in the first place, I had left the clear outer edge on it and that is where all my problems came from, when my daughter realized what an idiot I was she sure let me know and said something along the lines of, mum I really can't believe you, she was in shock and just shaking her head at me in disbelief. I told her that I do have some blonde moments this one just stayed with me for a year. I honestly never cease to amaze myself at times, I have to admit it is the first good laugh I have had in quite a while so that part felt good.
We then went over to a shopping centre that we don't frequent that often but it is large and you can lose yourself there which is good, takes your mind of other things.
Bought this really funky watch and a bracelet, all in the junk jewellry style but it is all nice. I know I did something silly over there as well just can't think of what it was but i am sure my daughter will fill me in on whatever it was i did.
It has actually been a nice day today, I just start getting a bit down after lunch but I am sure that will pass one day also.
Anyway that is enough of my ramblings...so take care to anyone that reads this.

With a day like today where do you begin to tell each other how you are feeling.
I watched the memorial fully once and parts of it a 2nd time, it just got far too emotional for me to keep watching the 2nd time.
When Steve spoke of his mum that is where I just totally lost it, it was as though he knew how I was feeling and he suffered exactly the same way as I am now, but then when someone we love so much leaves us for a better life beyond we all suffer the same way, just some of us show it more than others.
I actually left the house today without anyone with me, strange feeling and quite honestly i don't think I am ready for that experience again for a little while yet. But anyway I went up the road to the shops to get something for dinner and there is this painting I keep stopping to look at, it is of 2 kookaburras sitting in a gum tree and it is absolutely beautiful and so is the price. The painting is a limited edition so if I want it I had better make my mind up soon as I can see it going soon and then I know I am going to be disappointed. I find myself just looking at this painting for ages so i am not sure if my mum is telling me in some kind of way to buy it as not long before she passed away outside of the nursing home there was this kookaburra sitting in a tree and I took some pics of it and showed mum, she loved kookaburras but then who doesn't love them. I think tomorrow I will make my mind up one way or the other as to whether I will buy it or not.
If there were people reading my blog they could help me decide on what to do but since no one is reading anything I write i have to make this decision on my own.
Well I suppose that is it for me for now so take care whoever decides to read this.